i'm off

It was 3:15am and I was sitting on my couch, TV turned off, bags by the door, waiting for my friend to come get me to take me to the airport. I had been awake for 22 hours. I have also been going off of four to five hours of sleep a night for the past week or so. If you know me you know that means I’m not ok. I like my sleep. A lot. I haven’t been trying to stay awake. It hasn’t been a particularly stressful week. I’ve been going to bed at a decent hour but somehow my body has grown accustomed to waking up at 5:00am and deciding it just wants to stay awake.

I’ve been making the most of my extra couple of hours in the morning though. When my alarm went off yesterday at 7:30 I had already been awake for two hours, gone for a run, done some laundry and checked off some more items off the seemingly endless to do list. I spent the rest of the day working, running some errands and going to a fantastic dinner with some fantastic friends.

But the night stretched on as I decided to stay awake until I had to leave for the airport. I tend to get a little more emotional when fatigue starts to set in and as I sat there I started to feel like I was not ready for this trip. I don’t know what it is. I’ve traveled before. I want to travel forever. I love it. This is exactly what I wanted to be doing this summer and yet I couldn’t help but feel wholly unprepared.

I took a couple of deep breaths and recalled a yoga instructor who told us at the beginning of each class that everything we needed we already had. On and off the mat. Through joyful times and challenging ones, we all possess everything we need. Trust yourself, follow your intentions and everything else will follow. I’m sure I’ll falter. I’m sure I’ll miss home, but I am so longing for an adventure this summer. My breath steadied, my heart rate slowed and my phone rang. I was off.